Thursday, August 6, 2009

God is NOT a Runner!

I've just figured this out!

Summer was definitely not created by a runner and God created the seasons, so . . . without a doubt . . . GOD is NOT a runner!

All this time I've been thinking that running is good for you. We strengthen our aerobic capacity, our energy increases, we live longer . . . damn . . . I just had this superiority feeling being a runner. I wasn't taking the easy way out! I wasn't allowing my body to deteriorate. I was working hard at getting myself in the very best physical shape possible.

This "running thing" is hard . . . and I'll be rewarded for the effort! I mean, damn, I've run marathons, I've run 50ks and I've even run a 50 miler! These weren't easy. They were hard! Damn hard! And all this time I thought I was doing the right thing! Trying to keep my fitness at a high level.

But now I now I know the sad truth . . . it doesn't matter. God doesn't care if I run 12 marathons a year or not! He doesn't care if I've only run one. Truth be told, he is not a runner!

Only a runner can appreciate the pain and suffering associated with a mid-day 6 mile run in 95 degree temps and 90 degree humidity. Only a runner understands the mental power it takes to finish a 20 miler on a hot, humid mid-summer run. The pain! The mental focus needed to run through the pain! If God isn't a runner, he wouldn't "get it!"

If he "got it" he might still let it get warm . . . there are plenty of other folks who like warm / hot weather! But there is no way he would let BOTH the temperature AND the humidity climb to opressive levels. One or the other but definitely not both!

Okay . . . so this isn't going to get me into heaven! But at least I know I've gotten through (or am getting through!) the summer "dog days!" I know I'm still trudging on! And come the fall, cooler weather, I'll be better off! There WILL be a payback!

But I was really thinking this would help me get into heaven! I already knew my "flag decal won't get me into heaven anymore!"

(okay . . . who remembers this last line? There is beer in it for you if you know!!!)


  1. John Prine!!!

    Enjoyed today...Great run. Loved the hills and cool lake water.

  2. You just won a beer!

    "Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore"


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Littleton, North Carolina
World's Slowest Runner . . . well, at least in contention for the honor. Just your average "below average" runner.