Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Knock, knock, knock . . .

Knock, knock, knock . . .

Just a minute . . . I’ll be right there!

Knock, Knock, Knock . . .

Hold on . . . I said I'll be there is a minute!  Who is it?

It’s me.

Who is “me?”  Just a minute . . . let me get this door open.  Okay . . .  let’s start this again!  Who are you?

It’s me . . . you know . . . your body and my buddy your brain! 

Oh yea . . . I remember you two.  What on earth do you two guys want?

We’ve come by to talk with you.  Quite frankly we’re not too please with you recently.  You’ve been ignoring us.

What do you mean “I’ve been ignoring you.”   That’s just not true.  I’ve listened to every single thing you've ever told me.

Yea . . . right!

It is right.  I listen.  It’s just that I learned a long time ago that you two don’t always tell me the truth.

What the heck do you mean?  Are you calling us liars?

Well . . . I guess I am . . . YOU TWO ARE A LIAR!

We tell you the truth!

Yea . . . when have you told me the truth?

Remember when your knees started locking up and hurting a ton?  That wasn’t a lie.  Your knees needed work.  And how about your hip?  Wasn’t it us that started nagging at you telling you that you had real issues that needed addressing?

Okay . . . I’ll give you all that.  Those weren’t lies!  But you still lie to me all the time.  You both start screaming at me that you just can’t continue on in a race.  But when I do continue on . . . well . . . surprise, surprise . . . you two are fine with it!  In fact, most times you both just shut up and let me finish.  And when it’s all over . . . there are no problems.  You all just lied to me.

Okay . . . we admit that there are times we are afraid of what you might do, so we speak up too early.

So . . . you’re admitting you all are liars!

Well . . . to a degree . . . maybe so.  But the brain and I always have your best interest at heart!

I don’t buy that.  I think you two have your own best interest at heart . . . just running your own agendas.  But it doesn’t matter!  Either way I just don’t know when I can trust you and when I can’t!   So . . . obviously you’ve come to tell me something.  What is it?

Well . . . we think you need to stop running.  Or at least stop running long distances.  Your hip is definitely not totally right, both of your knees have issues . . . and let’s face it . . . you’re not getting any younger!!

Okay guys . . . now I KNOW you all are lying to me right now!  No doubt!

No we’re not.  We’re telling you the truth!

Guys . . . there are PLENTY of folks much older then me still running . . . and running well!  It’s not an age thing at all!  Okay . . . I admit I have slowed down significantly.  You two gomers should be happy with that!

Happy “hell!”  No way we’re happy with you!  You’re a frickin’ idiot!  You just keep trying to do things that we just can’t deliver on.  And you make “us” out to be the bad guys!  That’s not fair.

Well . . . I’m not listening to you guys any more!  I just don’t know when you all are telling me the truch or when it’s another of your lies!

You better listen!

Oh yea . . . so what are you going to do about it if I don’t!

You REALLY don’t want to know!  You act like this is some sort of game.  “Us” against “you!”  We’re not against you!  Honestly . . . you’ve kept us going longer than most people do!  How many folks your age finish 50 miles?  And only 6 months after hip surgery!!  All we’re saying is we just can’t continue to cash all the checks you’re writing!!

Okay . . . I promise you two that’s I’ll think about what your saying.  I’ll consider it.  But don’t expect me to just quit!  Heck . . . I’m not ready to even slow down yet!

Well . . . you better . . .or you won’t like the outcome.


  1. Screw those guys! What do *they* know?

  2. Scott . . . I'm beginning to wonder! Maybe they DO know a little something . . .


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Littleton, North Carolina
World's Slowest Runner . . . well, at least in contention for the honor. Just your average "below average" runner.